A little self awareness

I found this post on my friend Stacey's blog and it really hit the nail on the head. She talks about how she has always had this battle inside herself between what is normal, how she should be. Looking at popular people or outgoing people maybe and trying to be more like that, more extroverted. I thought, I love when people are so self aware that they can pin point what they are going through that way and share it and in turn help me understand myself a little better. So, I've always tested as an introvert and that to me was like an insult or something. I thought that made me sound nerdy and like a wallflower who was awkward and didn't no how to interact with people or something. This list really helped me put my personality into perspective and knowing other people that I've always looked up to ( like Stacey) have the same personality are in no way dorky losers, I liked it. I felt like this described me really closely. Maybe someone else has the same battle and maybe this little list will help you feel good about who you are and "normal". . .

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
{ True for me. It's so hard for me to talk about nothing. You would think hey you're a girl don't you like to talk just for the sake of talking? Nope. I will never force myself to talk to someone if I genuinely can't think of anything to say}

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
{ I actually am fairly shy. I was super shy when I was younger. But it's more this. I really like to observe people first and I kind of assess the situation before I start interacting. Usually I just hope someone will talk to me first}
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.
{ So true for me! I just want to get on with it, skip all the stupid questions and just move on to being best friends and getting into the nitty gritty and how you really feel and think about things. The first part of a relationship is so annoying to me.}

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

{I really can count my friends on one hand I think. It takes alot out of me to be friends with someone because I am always so invested in them and care so much. I would do anything for my friends.}

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.
{ I wish I could handle this a little better but I remember my mom stopped throwing big birthday parties for me because I would get such bad anxiety. I'm working on this now as an adult to relax and not become so overwhelmed.}

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

{ I'm such a daydreamer, a very unproductive daydreamer sometimes. One on one conversations are my absolute favorite. I hate, absolutely hate being in groups of three. An even number is better, am I sounding a little nuerotic? I find myself thinking alot too, over thinking things. I have to be careful to not overwhelm myself with my own thoughts and worries}

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

{ We may be a little weird, to people that are not like us. I've never really been one to be trendy. If I like it I'll wear it, if I don't I won't. But I also just like to blend in too.}

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

{ oh man we have a really bad rap! I think most of the time I would much rather be with people than with myself but on the other hand if I'm too busy I start to shut down and I get really onery. I have to have to time to process things and have time to be alone}

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

{ I think introverts are just a little more thoughtful and serious. I love to have fun, who doesn't? But I don't need constant stimulation, constant entertainment or whatever like maybe other people do}

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

{Amen! Too bad I'm not really a cool introvert who become a painter or a scientist but I'm okay with being the way I am. It's different. It may be hard for people to "get it" sometimes but now you know, we aren't trying to be rude, we like people, we are great friends, and we're very self aware.

The end.

A little bit of fun

We had a little bit of fun watching the Ogden Marathon because a certain awesome person was running in it! We loved it! ( she finished in 3:40, no that is not a typo that is her actual time running a FULL marathon!) So inspiring. And Ogden is quite lovely! I feel like it has a bad rap but I thought it was so pretty and I really wish I could have spent more time there and visited all the shops on 25th or 24th street, or whatever it is.

Had some ice cream at Farr's because we were about to pass out. So as you can see from several pictures, I have completely given up on myself. I will do my hair and shower on Sundays. That's it. I spent most of my time in some kind of grungy old pajama pants with holes in them. I had jeans on in this picture so I'm sure Braden felt very special.

And I roasted my first bird! It was really good! I will probably never do this again so I had to take a picture. The before pictures were digusting, they told me I had to remove the neck? and the giblets? and maybe try to find the kidneys and pull them out too? and yank out the wish bone?? Way to much for me. But it was the only thing we had to eat on Sunday so it had to be done.

Hope everyone enjoyed the summery weather and got a nice tan!

College Days reunion

 ( last weekend)

We finally had a long over-due college girlfriend/roommate reunion. We all went to Utah State together and had one year that will always go down in the history books. For me it was my Sophmore year at USU. We all lived in Old Farm together and were nuts and every day was a party ( not like a frat house party, a nice mormon girls kind of party ) it felt like one of the longest years of my life because I have soo many great memories from that one year. I loved that year. It was also the year I met Braden. Those memories will tie to each other for the rest of our lives. Life is crazy and we all live far away and have totally different lifestyles but when we get together it feels the same ( almost). We are alot more boring than we used to be! Half the fun was just reminiscing about how much fun we used to have! Jenny is our friend that is still living it up as a single girl. I slept over at her apartment and it was so weird to be there and be married. I was there and it seemed familiar but being single and in college with roommates feels like a dream, like something that happened a lifetime ago. Good memories. Glad it's over at the same time. It helped me remember who I used to be and I used to be more confident and carefree. It's hard to be that way when you have so many responsibilities but I need to remember to still have fun and not take everything so flipping serious all the time! Thanks girls! I loved being with you and forgetting about all of my grown up worries for a few hours. Everyone needs a little girl time in their lives, am I right?

There's a lake in our backyard!

 

Look at all that water! Our lake is attracting all manner of wild beasts. Okay they're just birds but I was still blown away at all the wildlife that was just down the street because of all the flooding. I literally just stood there and looked at birds eating who knows what for like 45 minutes. I'm easily entertained I guess! Got a nice farmer tan to prove it! I've always loved wildlife though, I got so excited about this and I wanted Braden to be just as pumped as I was-he never humors me! What a dud. I even saw tiny baby ducklings and baby goosen! or is it geesen? What a swell day. I don't need friends or a social life- I have my little bird friends to keep me entertained! Those pictures really don't do it justice, I promise it was really cool.

Our weekend in pictures

Braden calls us "weekend warriors" because we seem to go nonstop all weekend, every weekend lately. And it's so fun! No work, no worries really. We have become experts at squeezing every possible ounce of fun and excitement from those two and half precious days of freedom! I have good intentions to clean my entire house on Saturday but there are soo many better things to do! I'm lucky if I vacuum, do the dishes, and get one load of laundry done on Saturday. I don't think I really did any cleaning this last weekend, I should probably catch up on that now. Oh well.

So we had another splendid weekend with Mother's Day and graduation and everything. On Saturday we went to the temple and went running, I planned my RS lesson and Braden prepared for a Sunday School lesson. All the men took over the classes so the women could enjoy Relief Society, it was really fun to have all the ladies together for once. We went over and played volleyball with family and celebrated our sister in laws college graduation, well I didn't play any volleyball because it's just too embarrassing, I'm really good at eating so I stuck with that instead, went home watched my husband play another sport with our fun neighbors. Sunday was fun too. Holidays are so fun. Being with family and friends is just what it's all about. The Merrill's really know how to have a good time. We play a lot of cards. It sounds boring but with the Merrill's I promise it can get preetty wild.

It's Tuesday and that's okay because there is always a weekend in my future.

M.O.M.

I need to pay tribute to these two special ladies! They tried so hard to raise me right and what can I say, you can't win em all but hey they gave it their best shot! Really though, they mean the world to me.
My sweet grandma, we call her Muzzy, her idea, she's wonderful. Her laugh is my favorite sound in the world, she made up songs and sang to me when I was little, crocheted me dresses and blankets that I'll treasure forever, loved me unconditionally, I feel so special when she's around, she has amazing taste and even designed her house they live in now, the best example of loving service and warmth and I'm so lucky to be her grandchild!

My amazing mommy doola (Julia), her laugh is also one of the best sounds in the world, she is the most beautiful lady inside and out, we look nothing alike which is so unfair, I totally got jipped, she is tireless with serving others and an incredibly self less person, loves to sing, loves Michael Jackson and Aerosmith, gives the best advice, has the most immaculate house ever and is the queen of decorating especially at Christmas, loves animals, taught me to be kind, say your sorry, take responsibility, be honest, taught me that God loves me, taught me strength and faith and taught me that whenever hard things come my way to pray, to fast, to ask the Lord for help because He is always there for me. I owe my testimony of the Gospel to my mom. I have never doubted it. I felt the Holy Ghost in my life often because she made our home a haven and was always an example of a true follower of Christ. She is so fun, stylish, warm, caring, dedicated, hardworking, loyal, courageous, and talented. She is my mom.

I love you. Happy Mother's Day.

Just stop for a second and smile

We had fast and testimony meeting yesterday and it was just wonderful. I was too scared to go up, even though I sit on the front row every time, I'm a wuss. Anyway, I loved it because this month(s) have been hard and it's not that any one really bad thing has happened it's just alot of little things going wrong right after another, in this seemingly endless stream of just really bad luck or something. I told Braden that I think I know why people turn their backs on the church or on God- and it's not necessarily that they are mad or angry. I just think that your spirit can become broken. Like you become apathetic, you are past anger. You are past discouragement or bitterness. You just don't care. Like learned helplessness. I don't think I have sinned greatly, I mean I make mistakes every day and I have to ask for forgiveness everyday. I know that there is always more to do but I felt so blah, I would go through the motions but my heart wasn't in it. I don't think I had the faith that reading my scriptures, praying would actually help me or do any good. It felt like I was in a wave pool, as soon as I reached the surface and felt like I'm free and I can breath, another wave comes crashing down on you. And soon you just don't have the strength and you begin to drown. I felt like I was spiritually drowning. It didn't matter what we did, and watching Braden just work so hard and try and try day after day, it was watching him that really got me too. But I felt horrible saying that I think I understand why people just give up. That's what I felt like doing because it almost felt like the harder we tried the worse things became. I felt punished or something. Since Saturday I've been blessed and comforted and I know now that it will be okay. The Lord isn't punishing us. He loves us. I just needed to be more humble. The moment I asked the Lord What more can I do? Is there more? Can you help us please?? Not giving up but giving "in". Giving in to Him and allowing Him to help me. . . He was there. On Sunday everyone that got up talked about trials! And so many more people got up then I've ever seen in this ward. The majority of them talked about trials and getting through them. One girl told us her husband has cancer, others lost family members or their home and they were so wise and strong in their testimonies! And other things have just been working out a little better- I've won 3 gift cards this week already- tender mercy? I think so!  The Lord knows who we each want to become, and only He knows how to make that happen. I already feel through our challenges our marriage has become much stronger, our testimonies have grown, and we are focused on more eternal things. So, it's all good. "This too shall pass."